‘If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax-collector.
Dear friends,
As many of you know, I am starting a new series of sermons on the Gospel of Matthew. There is a very important issue that Matthew addresses that I probably won’t be able to cover in the series, so I wanted to mention it here. That issue is conflict. This short passage above gives clear steps to follow when someone has offended or caused us harm. The steps are as follows:
- Talk directly to that person about the dispute and see if you can resolve it one-on-one. If you are successful, great! But if not, go to step two.
- Bring one or two other people with you to talk with the person. If you still can’t resolve the problem then go to step three.
- Bring the problem to the church. This means, meet with the person in the company of a group of trusted, impartial community members. If this resolves the matter, great. If not then go to step four.
- Treat the person as a Gentile or tax collector. That is, treat the person as an outsider to the community. This last step may seem harsh, but it bears remembering that Jesus is the one who is speaking. Jesus actually treated Gentiles and tax collectors as people who should be restored to the community of God.
This passage is pretty straight forward, but I find that adopting it as a practice can be very challenging. My experience has been that a large percentage of disputes are resolved with that first step—talking one-on-one. But a lot of people avoid it out of fear that it will make the dispute worse. Then, full of unexpressed resentment they complain to a third party in order to find some relief from their anger and hurt feelings. But talking to a third party only provides temporary relief and has the unfortunate effect of spreading the conflict through the community. People only hear one side of the dispute and accusations are made without giving the accused a fair hearing. Eventually, trust is eroded and relationships break down. It’s no wonder that the writer of this Gospel felt compelled to articulate clear steps as a means to keep the community healthy and functioning well. It is an imperative in my opinion.
As challenging as it can seem, Matthew 18 leads to healthy, mature relationships. People will always cause harm to one another; rarely is it intentional. This practice addresses this reality of our human relations head on, offering the hope for reconciliation and making the way for forgiveness. It lays the foundation for healthy churches and healthy communities—a beautiful and enduring treasure these days.
In Christ’s Peace,
Pastor Jen